Taking the first step AGAIN - Weight Loss for the Morbidly Obese

If you're looking for someone to blame for the lack of weight loss, you're looking right at her. Yes. I lost a little. Yes. I gained it back. I'm right where I was six months ago and all I have to blame is myself. I lost the focus, persistence, and drive to do it. But you know what? Recognizing that everything's gone lazy is the first step in finding the solution, right?

I'm getting really tweaked by the fact that now my right knee is tight all the time and actively hurting at other times. If I were the whining sort, I would say that it's not fair, but I'm not that type of person. The pain is motivation to work harder, actually. It seems that when I'm in pain, all I want to do is be aware of the pain. My body certainly calls attention to it, that's for sure.

The last time we talked, I had three rules.

1. Drink at least 64 ounces of water each day
2. Do at least 20 minutes of something each day
3. Eat a maximum of 120 grams of carbs

The war on my weight isn't lost with cannon fire and a treaty being signed.  It's lost because I lose my focus and attention.  It's lost because I think, 'oh, just a couple of sandwiches won't hurt anything' or 'this orange is healthy for me!' Those tiny little exceptions gradually retake their positions as the rules. 

That's what happened with the 120 grams of carbs.  I'm not sure exactly what happened, but it probably started with the crazy foil of soft tacos from Taco Bell.   A soft taco supreme has 20 grams of carbs and 220 calories (read up on your Taco Bell nutritional information here - it's sobering).   I can eat four or five of these in a single sitting.  It might have been the spate of caramel sundaes from Mcdonald's, too  (340 calories and 60 grams of carbs).  While I have no desire to eat more than one in a sitting, one's enough, isn't it? 

I get the feeling that's what happens with other people, too.  The resolve to lose weight erodes until you're back to where you started (or before where you started).   You're looking at yourself, cursing and blaming the powers that be for being defective, and then eating more to prove that you're wallowing.  In looking at the behavior, it's like shooting oneself in the foot to demonstrate your anger about something someone else did. 

Losing weight is more about changing patterns.  It's difficult as hell to change patterns without having some stark reality staring you in the face or the prospect of winning $250,000.   It's rare that you'll see people getting on their knees saying, 'oh Lord, give me just one more day' if nothing's hot on their heels.  Or, if something was nipping but your ass was saved, it's easy to lose that resolve.  That's what I did. 

And so, now I'm looking at the same problems, the same aggravations, and the same reasons for losing the weight that I was looking at the last time.  And the time before.  And the time before.   I've got some different tools in my mental toolbox that I'm going to use.  I'll take you on the journey - let's hope we get further this time.